Need

For something deeper to sink my teeth into. My mind is filled with shallow thoughts and desires for myself and for those close to me. I don't feel fulfilled, it's all just wasted space and I know that I could expand and excell but I hold myself back. I'm constantly limiting my thought process and creating filters for anything bigger than myself, and forbidding it to enter my head. I'm constantly desensitizing myself to truth of the pursuit of it, I want more. I need more. Agnosticism or Athiesm or Nihlism or whatever I've been following (not following, really) isn't enough to satisfy me. I want to be educated so I can make my choice and find something to follow and serve and preach. Whatever that may be, I'm starting, I'm picking up the search where I left off. Dieties, prophesies, reason, creation, connection, I want knowledge. I want faith.