24

Realizing recently how many people have disappeared within the last year is yet again hitting me. I have two, I have the best friend I could possibly ask for who keeps me sane and alive and well and the one who I love more than anything that drives me to insanity at least twice a week. In a way I really like it, I like only needing to worry about the two of them and and knowing that since nobody else checks on me, I don't have to check on them and their lives. I never honestly cared about most of what they'd say anyways, I wasn't attatched to their emotions, with the exception of my saving grace, the person I can thank for bringing me to myself, my girl, my mags. That single loss hurts the most. That seeing her isn't half of what it used to be. We can't make eachother laugh, we can't hangout just the two of us and for years that's all it ever was. I guess it's nice knowing she still cares, I'm always going to care about her. It was nice having everyone's comfort though, and everyone's love and support. I can't blame hem for leaving though, I don't make the effort so I can't expect them to want to be involved with me or my life. I guess I just feel like since things that my love has done have made me feel less important and less cared about I'm seeking that security and worth from other people, and not finding it with anyone. The one I turn too for all things outside of a few issues has been such a blessing. I don't want to think about my life without her involved in it. She gets me and I've never been so comfortable with a friend before. I can propose the sketchiest funniest most idiotic ideas and she'll comply just for the sake of making us both feel alive and well. She's cure, she's humour, she's comic relief and girl talk and man slaughter all at once. But there are things she can't know, things I can't say to him. I wish I was better at keeping things in and dealign with them inside my head. I'm going to try. I don't need anyone more. I'll find another outlet.